(ST. PAUL) – First baseman Rebecca Apel, a previous MPR Bombat and Golden Glove award winner, has been traded to Atlanta for a player to be named later, according to sources close to the team. The trade dovetails nicely with Apel’s second career in the insurance industry, as she recently accepted a job in the southern city and will depart snowy Minnesota within the month.
“Having Rebecca as a southpaw powerhouse at first base was great,” said Jim Bickal, who recently announced his own resignation as team manager. “Rebecca was a great addition to the team, except when she was striking or grounding out at the plate.”
Apel denied rumors that her departure is an effort to keep the Bombat, an aluminum bat that’s handed down each year by the previous year’s winner to the player who most bombed at the plate. “These false accusations only serve to drag my name through the mud,” added Apel, who was packing her bags and cleaning out her locker on Monday. “One option I have is to award the bat before next season to the player that I think will tank the most.”
In trading Apel, MPR softball loses a left-handed first baseman who can, you know, catch and stuff. Team management has not said who they hope to receive in the trade, though sources say a starting forward or cornerback were at the top of the list.
“I think it’s a rotten move,” noted fart Linda Wareham. “Rebecca brought a certain dignity to the team that I haven’t seen in any other women on this team, certainly not me.” Wareham was later seen sulking in the corner with a glove in one hand and a batch of uncounted U.S. Senate ballots in the other. Other players also expressed frustration. “This is just the kind of thing that could bring back Old Tom Scheck,” said New Tom Scheck, in an email. “Now we’re going to have to get Owen out on the field much sooner than I wanted.”
“It is an exciting time for me, but I will miss my friends up here and of course playing softball with MPR this year,” added Apel, in a statement. “I had a fun two seasons. Thanks for welcoming me onto your team.”
Team officials have considered throwing one final gathering for Apel at Chalk Talk, though Apel’s own plans are currently limited, as she’s trying to move the hell out of Minnesota, so get off her back, would you? Team members will likely be contacted in the near future if a time can be arranged. There are reports that Gary Eichten has been yelling “Chalk Talk!” at his desk this week – though it’s not clear whether he’s aware of Apel’s departure or is just getting a little belligerent with the start of the new Legislative session.
(Copyright 2009)
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Read Apel’s entire statement to the MPR softball team here:
“Hello Team! I have some good news/bad news for you. Your Bombat /Golden Glove is moving to Atlanta and will not be joining you for the upcoming season. Yes, I am gladly giving away shovels, coats and a snowblower in exchange for some fine southern weather. I will still be working in the glamorous insurance industry, underwriting professional liability insurance, but will be working with a different company. I look forward to the move! It is an exciting time for me, but I will miss my friends up here and of course playing softball with you this year. I had a fun two seasons. Thanks for welcoming me onto your team! Good luck!”
The team expanded over the weekend with the arrival of Owen Scheck. He weighs 7.83 lbs and was 20.5 inches long. The calm and cool demeanor in the picture suggests a stronger maternal influence than paternal, but let’s see how he carries himself when he steps into the batter’s box. 
